I grew up in a rural community, where we had no running water or electricity. I decided that the only thing that could change my circumstances was a good education, so I studied night and day with my torch lamp to ensure I got a place at a prominent High school in Kingston, Jamaica. All those dreams disappeared when I became a rape victim and then a runaway. By the age of 21, I had four children, with four dads, no job, and no skill. One thing I knew was that I wasn't going to let those children live on the street, so I went into prostitution and drugs.
One morning while I was 5 months pregnant, I remember one of the fathers beating me with a shovel; that baby died at the hospital. Some time after that, I was deported and introduced to Bible Teachers International. I was a frequent church-goer,I knew I was not experiencing the life of Christ but I thought I had time. So I kept going to the altar, but nothing changed. I kept cussing out people, having men, backbiting and bonding in iniquity. While n the church I was a patient at a clinical psychiatrist clinic, and diagnosed with Bipolarism. I always wanted to end my life and one day attempted to end the kids and I. Although I was an adult, I blamed my rape for my failures an inadequacies in life. I was so unhappy and my will power made me smile sometimes but deep down, I recognized that nothing was bringing happiness - the rich men, the business, the children - nothing.The bottom line is that I had no power over sin. I started to examine myself to see if I was in the faith.
The Lord sent one of the pastors in my church, Pastor Julia, in my life a year ago. I had never experienced such love and compassion in anyone. I would look into her eyes as she would share her stories, and I began to have hope that the Lord had use of me. At first, I was hesitant to let her in my space but we soon we became very close friends and built a bond. I would often cry to her and she comforted me week upon week. I soon recognized that this woman sold out for Jesus. Her lifestyle of prayer impressed me so much so that I started scheduling fasting service on my calendar, then Monday prayer. She would pray for me and my children and I started seeing how my actions were hurting the people around me and I started to cry out for help. I soon recognized that altars were everywhere - in my car ,in my bed, washing the dishes: I would let the Lord know I was tired of my way and I wanted a change.
Leading up to the crusade, I found myself asking the Lord to intervene: I had caused so much misery for people and I was tired of this life. I remember saying, "have it Lord and give me your life.
Joy and happiness in the Holy Ghost". I went to crusade and when I saw the Lord moving, I began to worship and praise him. Two weeks went by and on Sunday morning, the final day I got up at 5AM to attend the baptism. I was so excited about the testimony of the saints. From praise and worship to the dance, I felt the mercy of God in the room and just knew I was battered and bruised and I wanted Jesus to take me over. I went to altar and I was filled with the Holy Ghost
I now understand the term "walking in the spirit".
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